A restless heart for his glory

I've hit and past my 4 week mark. For the past year and 3 months, I haven't been in the same place for more than 3 or 4 weeks. Most of those moves not only involved a physical move, but a change in culture, currency, language and environment. I am starting to find that after about 3 or 4 weeks I start to feel an urge to move on. So now, half the battle is staying in one place and making life work. Staying is one thing I've never been good at. You know how most people are moved out of their comfort zone when being called by the Lord to leave? I am out of my comfort zone when the Lord calls me to stay. In the past two months here in Chicago, I've never felt so strongly that I have wanted to leave a place. But for the first time in a long while, I'm going to stay and make this my new adventure.

I think I fear the conventional life. Staying put feels like I am surrendering to mundaneness. And while this doesn't have to be true, I feel trapped. Even in looking to my future, I am at battle with myself. I feel pressure and a pull to walk down the traditional, successful road in life. Yet, I feel at the same time like I was made for MUCH more.

At the end of the day, my heart is for the Lord. But I believe he has given me a restless heart for his glory. Every time I read this prayer by Sir Francis Drake, I am brought to tears:

"Disturb us, O Lord when we are too well pleased with ourselves,

when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little,

when we arrived safely because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, O Lord when with the abundance of things we possess

we have lost our thirst for the waters of life;

having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity.

And in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, O Lord, to dare more boldly

to venture on wider seas where storms will show your majesty

where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back the horizons of our hopes;

and to push us in the future in strength, courage and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,

who is Jesus Christ."

This is my prayer.

No one mourns the wicked

So last night I got to see Wicked in all its glory. For those of you who are not familiar, it is a theater production that has been going on for about three years in Chicago. But it is the untold story of the witches of Oz. Incredibly hilarious, witty and the music..well, there are no words. So I have already seen it twice but my roommate suggested that we try the drawing for the front row tickets ($25) which I have tried before unsuccessfully. However, Thursday handed us a good card because we got front row tickets!! And OH MY GOLLY GOSH! It was out of this world! Sitting in the front row put me in seventh heaven. I mean, the whole first act I literally had my mouth gaping wide open, huge smiles big eyes. I was just..wow. It was awesome.

I also decided that I want to fall in love with a guy who will sing to me like Fiero. But I promise I won't be green.

Today I started my job. So you know when you are walking down the streets of Chicago, just ho humming on your merry little way. And all of a sudden someone stops you in your tracks, gets right in your face and says, "Hey, could I talk to you for a minute?" They hold a clipboard and your next two minutes will be surely filled with some pitch to get you to join on to some good cause? whew. Well, thats me. haha.

I am workin the streets of Chicago for Children International. I talk to every person who will be gracious enough to stop recruiting them to support kids dying of poverty overseas. It is actually an amazing cause and I am totally on board. But I am not sure if I can cut it! The boss says I have the skills, but I have a feeling I will come home both physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I'm no quitter, so I'm going to give it my best shot. But if the weather dips below 20, I might be a quitter. I don't know. hehe..wink wink.

Enough for now. ciao.

Adjusting

Life in Chicago has been harder than expected for many reasons that I won't bore you with now. But at the root of it is moving on from last year and seeking my purpose in life. I am all mixed up inside and hate this process but embrace it at the same time. No one sums my feelings up better than my former teammate and friend, Jimmy:

"The adjustment phase is like a grieving process. There's no timetable, no expectations, no "right" way to deal. It's a process that must be walked, a journey that must be taken - this completing step is imperative for the success or failure of the pilgrimage. It's similar to a butterfly emerging or a chick hatching from its shell. It cannot forego the experience of fighting through because ultimately the struggle is what guarantees life on the other side. It's not uncompassionate to allow the process to happen - in fact, it's the only healthy way! Re-entry takes support, takes time, takes starting something new and applying all that you've learned: that God is still, somehow, in control."

Friends, thank you for your patience with me as I continue to find my place.

Got mace?

Got mace? I do. haha. It's my first time owning some and I'm pretty proud of myself. And thats the face I will use when I'm walking down the street with it. No need to mess with this gal. I got mace and I'm not afraid to use it!

I figured moving to Chicago warrented getting some, especially since my apartment is four blocks from the ghetto bus stop. It has been only three days here in the Windy City and I am having a rough go of it. It has been emotional for me to start over yet again with a new church, new friends, new job, new life, etc. And to top it all off, I lost my credit cards, liscence and brand new public transit card (cost 75 dollars I can't get refunded) on the bus today. I was on my way to an interview and had to call my mom crying my little eye balls out. It was pathetic.

I just don't know how I feel about all this starting over business. I crave deep relationships in my life but love the freedom that comes with being mobile. I am constantly a torn person. But I believe, even with losing all my cards today, that God is stripping me down of everything that is comfortable to me. It has been a while since I have been so dependent on him. And even though it hurts and sucks sometimes, I know I need to embrace being out of my element. It is had for me to brave the "newcomers" group at church again and to go to all these interviews for jobs I don't really want to work at.

But as the great theologian, Beyonce, points out..."I'm a survivor, I ain't gonna give up. No, I ain't gonna stop. I'm gonna work harder." Preach it girl.

Thanks for your prayers for me during this time. Transistions are never easy, but they are necessary. And I'm just waiting to see what the Lord has to teach me as I walk this crazy thing called life.

I left my heart in Chicago

What up folks! Well, I had a bitterly cold and snowy week in Chicago. It was awesome to see everyone again. Here is what I did (in no particular order ;-))

*Chilled with my Trinity folk
*Visited with the family I used to babysit for...kids grow, it's so crazy!
*Went to chapel at Moody
*Looked at college students at Moody wondering when I turned into an adult
*Ate pad thai at panang..mmmm!
*Giggled till 2am with Hannah putting our faces on celebrities bodies online
*Sleepovers gallore!
*Hung with Lewis the Great, Stacia and Dan the mighty, Ruthina "Wang" and Tracy the mostest
*Went to a wedding of a gal in my old small group!!!
*Walked around chi-town
*Saw my Abby friend and her darling children
*GOT AN APARTMENT!

and on that note..I'm moving back to Chicago..yipeee!! I got a place on the west side. UH HUH. And I move on Saturday. I know, kind of quick, right? Still on the job market but I think I'm ready for the move.

So, holla at yo girl if you are around the downtown area. I got a piece of floor you could pull up for a while and hang if you needed.

Sorry I didn't take many pics. Maybe I'm taking a sabbatical from all the pics I took last year. But here was my supa fun night with Dan and Stace in the cid:











































Peace out! See you in Chicago!!

Ya, it's that cold

So my dad walked into the kitchen yesterday holding this...

That is a frozen bunny.

He looks like he was mid-run.

Ya, it's cold here.

There's no place like home...

First of all, greetings to my new page. This is the home of my new ramblings so thanks for giving it a try. Who knows what will come out here. To be honest, it will probably be a little more candid and "stacy" like than my world race blog. So watch out people! haha.

I returned from my year (plus) of travel last week. http://stacyutecht.theworldrace.org/

Since the World Race, I realized I have been on:
18 flights
11 bus rides
2 trains
2 ferries
and a partridge in a pear tree

I feel addicted to travel and have no where to get help. "Hi, I'm Stacy. I've been traveling now for, a little over a year and there is no recovery in sight. **HI STACY**" But I made it safely home and got to see these sweet people along the way:

Since being home, my general feeling is that it is nice to be home. It is comfortable in a way I despise yet I embrace it at the same time. I have so many memories in this town and this house and it is familiar. It has its charms. But overall I still can't shake a desire to be free to explore new places and new things.

I miss the world in so many ways and it feels funny to say that, but I do. Tonight I wish I was Dorothy in the book "The Wizard of Oz" when the Good Witch tells her, "The Silver shoes have wonderful powers. And one of the most curious things about them is that they can carry you to any place in the world in three steps, and each step will be made in the wink of an eye. All you have to do is knock the heels together three times and command the shoes to carry you wherever you wish to go."

Although while I wish I was Dorothy, I would not have answered in the way she did..."If that is so, I will ask them to carry me back to Kansas at once." One would figure that with only three clicks transporting you anywhere you want, any average joe would go half way around the world. So either Dorothy is crazy or smart. Either she wasn't a very adventurous little gal or she embodied the kind of mentality that we all should; that home is truly the best place to be.

Regardless, I am in that sweet place called home. I'm not sure what the next step is. But I invite you on this crazy journey with me. Ciao for now.